what would you think?

What would you think?
If you saw the person I became?
The things that lead me to these moments,
The moments I didn’t take,
Words I didn’t say, the actions I held back because I was a better person,
The times when I was a better person because I took the time to think.

There were times I said things I wished I didn’t,
Moments I let happen without stopping them, and,
Actions I took and offered,
Some I regretted, and others I’m glad happened,
Because they taught me to grow and forced me to learn,
And so the cycle began.

What would you think?
If you saw me as I was?
No makeup, no filters,
I know,
You’d tell me I’m pretty,
Lovely inside and out,
But did you see the way I treated others?
When I think no one is listening to my thoughts?
I like to say I treat everyone fairly,
But I’m only human,
And I know there are those I dislike, those that get under my skin,
Those I wish would rot and just, just not exist.
Would you still think of me as lovely?

What would you think of me,
As I am,
My flaws and my faults?
All rolled up into a lovely picture I let the world see,
I hope, I hope you would see me still
The person I crave and wish to be,
Underneath it all,
A person trying to be better, and making better choices each day,
I hope that’s what you would think of me.

Shooting star

never wanted this;
It’s funny how we crave change,

Wish for it on a shooting star,
And when it finally comes,

We find excuses to make it worse,
Make it harder because we can’t accept it,

Not yet,
Not before we’re ready.

Why make things harder when we don’t have to?
Why make it complicated when it could be simple,

Simple is ignoring the change,
Letting the opportunity come and go,

As quickly as the star,
And that’s how most people live,

Some fear the changes they dream about,

While others climb mountains,
If only to get a better glimpse of the stars they wish to be a part of.

I never wanted this;
But it’s time to rise,

The sky is so much more beautiful from the top…

You deserve to be happy ~

Most people have this twisted idea that they don’t deserve or are not worthy of happiness. They may have guilts about their past, and feel that they deserve to be punished everyday.
If you don’t feel you are worthy of happiness, then it is time for a change of perspective.

Give yourself an opportunity to find your happy place.
I know its really hard to keep a happy face in times of trials, but we have to try our best to stay happy and positive.
Sometimes, we consciously choose to be unhappy. This probably might be a result of our past. I think you need to take a harder look at your life, in order to find out what stops you from putting a smile on that face. A real smile of course, not a mask.

Happiness is not determined by what is HAPPENING AROUND YOU. But rather, it is determined by what is HAPPENING INSIDE YOU.
Most times, we depend on “things” to gain happiness. We look at our condition and then allow it to determine our happiness. That isn’t how life is supposed to be lived.
When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the “right things” a chance to catch hold of you.

The longer you keep living with those fears, the longer you are going to stay unhappy.
We ARE going to make many mistakes along the way, but the fact that we have the courage to push through, shows that we deserve to be happy. Happiness is something we are born with. It is a natural emotion, you don’t have to earn it in anyway.
Besides, being sad almost on a daily basis, is like living a slow and a painful death, so why be unhappy when you have an option not to?

Yes, there is nothing wrong in expressing different emotions, but do not get tied down to the negative ones. Besides, who would be benefited if you were to remain unhappy?
We can lose the most precious thing of ours and still remain happy, because it’s completely up to us whether to crib about something we’ve lost or to simply let go of the thought itself.

In your head

So beautiful, because you can’t see the ugly, you only want what you can’t have, that’s why you cling to this version you created in your head. She’s perfect, Smart, unique and only has eyes for you, you only looked your way, and she only existed in your head. Blinded by your greed and lust, you turned me into a monster, a slave to you and your wants, no longer caring about the damage and the bruises, so beautiful, because you chose to overlook the ugly you create, and leave me to the corner to nurse my wounds, clinging to what was once truly beautiful and safe.

Continue reading “In your head”

Internal black hole

And it’s always just the same thing all over again, isn’t it? I’m just walking in circles, through the same forest, pretending every time that any of this is different. but what you’ve said has been said before. what you’ve done had been done before. don’t you get it? It’s pointless.

im never getting out of here, am I? because these days all I do is just sit. and after all those hopeful speeches, and heartfelt moments, how did I become this pathetic?

I want to see the world, change it. I want to leave my mark on the sky so every time they look up, they know they’re not alone. I want to jump. I want to fly. I want to let go of certain things.

but.. can that really happen?

This is definitely one of those vent poems I write when Im really feeling the need to screech at the sky. I just want to put a disclaimer on this that this is not in any way a validation of these kind of thoughts. Things do get better after sometime, but it’s also hard…


And as the lights dances of the sky, I can think. For the first time in ages.

and for every bad memory that you have, I’ll trade you a good one. I’ll trade you the times when you smiled through your tears and laughed dispite it all. times when we roamed the woods just after the storm had passed and let our eyes slip open, and for that small moment it all felt new again.

when our minds were wiped clean of all the horrible things we’ve seen, for a moment.. we were innocent .

and the sky rose up for us. and the wind bowed down to us. and the ground reached up and painted masterpieces on our skin.

and I think it’s gonna be ok. despite the roaring storm, and the bottomless pit in my stomach. it’s gonna be ok.

you’re allowed to feel exhausted too.